A Time To Mourn & A Time To Celebrate

But for now, I just need to ramble.

Mom shared this saying with me in the last few months of her life.

It's late at night as usual and I can't sleep. I just keep having a whirlwind of thoughts in my head.
Excited to see my Dad and Aunt soon. Excited for Marcus's blessing. Sad that next Sunday will be 2 years since my mom has passed. I miss her and think of her every day.
Especially with the baby. I wonder what she would have thought, I wonder what her holding him would have been like. To hear her talk baby talk lol. The Coach diaper bag I know she would have bought me lol.

 Gosh I miss her. For those few of you who knew my mom, she never wanted us to mourn her death. She often talked about this and how we were not suppose to wear black. She also talked about her ashes being spread across the Jamez mountains in New Mexico. And to top it off, she also talked about how she would haunt me if I ever did her LDS baptism work... Well guess what, for the one year anniversary of her passing, I did her baptism work. She has yet to haunt me ;). I used to tell her, bring it on mom, she would just laugh. I share a similar view of baptism as my dad does, and I made sure it was OK with him before I did it. Our view is that if the Church is true, than it needs to be done, if it is not true than we are not harming anyone but rather doing it out of love. I never understood why people were not OK with it. If anything it is a way for us (LDS) people to cope with the loss, and like I said above, we do it out of pure love and wanting to be with our family forever. (Church teaches that to be united with family forever they need to be baptized, be it in this life or the next. They also teach that the person in heaven has the right to accept or not accept the church after we on earth do the baptism work. So just because your relatives temple work was done, does not mean they are automatically considered a member, it means that they were given the opportunity in heaven.)

The Albuquerque Temple where I did her baptism.

I want my family who reads this to know I don't do this stuff to upset anyone, but because I love my family and want to spend forever with them, even the ones I never had an opportunity to meet. I also mean no disrespect and that is why I have chosen not to do my Grandma and Grandpa on my moms side yet. I firmly believe that the right to baptism should be left to any direct descendants (children) first if they are alive. I  know I found out someone else a very extended relative did my Great Grandmothers work and it upset me. What if one day my dad became LDS and wanted to do his grandparents. He is much closer a decedent than these people and I would be hurt and upset if someone far removed from me did my grandparents work. Especially since only half the work of his grandma has been done and some is still waiting to be done but is "reserved", aka in limbo.

Well enough of that rant. On the one year anniversary of her passing we also spread her ashes as per her wish at a beautiful spot in the mountains. I would love to go back there soon with my husband and son.

Moms resting place.

My Mom was the most beautiful person I ever knew. And while we had our tensions in the past, it was only because we both loved each other so intensely. I honestly think that woman couldn't hate. My friends used to say she scared them it was funny because all my mom ever said about my friends was how much she loved him. Once while I was dating a guy who was a disaster she would just say "oh he has a messed up family life its not his fault". Which I won't deny was kind of true. She always tried to find the good in people. I can only hope I model my life after hers. And I hope that Marcus knows how much he is loved by her. I know she is looking down protecting him. I am sure while he was in my womb she was telling him ways to get back at me for how I was as a kid lol. Hopefully she took some pity on me lol.

So when next Sunday comes and it is my moms two year passing anniversary, it will be Marcus's blessing (similar to a christening). What a wonderful way to celebrate life. Marcus is here because of my mom, because of many gifts she left me. She has had a huge impact in his life and I know he was meant to be here and is another one of my gifts she gave me in her passing. I am excited to celebrate her life with his. And to make what could have been a sad day a truly amazing day.

Mom, I love you, and miss you more every day. ps. "I love you more! Ooodle and ooodles"