At first I was afraid..

I was petrified,
Thinking I could never live with out you by my side

.....
I will Survive...

Every day gets a little bit easier and a little bit harder. I am a very numbers oriented person and I am constantly thinking about the hours that have passed without her. I have to try not to. She lives through me. But some times are easier than others. I will miss her hugs, her kisses, her smile and laugh. I will miss giving her back rubs. Something I hate doing for other people but somehow always came easily when it came to taking care of my mom. I will miss her drinking coffee or the way she would rub her leg when she sat in a car for to long. The smell of the perfume she wore or the outfits she put together (she had her own style). I will miss taking pictures of awesome dresses in BCBG and than texting them to her for her to see. I will miss her signing happy birthday to Adam over the phone. The talks we would have at 2am when we couldn't sleep. Or going to the diner at 2am. I will miss her hand squeezes more than anything. Her signal to me that everything was OK. I will miss her wacky seance of humor.  God knows I will miss her. She was my rock my pillar. She was invincible.
But I have to keep telling myself. I will survive.
She would have given me no choice.