So today I found out that another person I knew killed himself. This is the 3d person I know this year to do so and the 2 to succeed. I really wish to tell people it is never worth it! For those who don't feel loved or cared about, you have no idea how many people really do. I have watched these people I should have been closer with lose everything. I know what they feel, because I have been there. I have even been to the point where I dont care how much it hurts the one I love. I was numb and empty. But I did the hardest thing and humbled myself and went and got help. At a time when I thought it wasnt possible. We had no health insurance and no funds. But we found a way. There is always a way. There is always hope.
I have always beleived and it has usually gotten me through that The Lord never gives us more then we can handle. I dont know where I got this idea, but I always drew comfort and strength from it. I also believe it to be very true. However, there are those of us who have had it and can no longer carry our burdens alone or not. After hearing about what happened today I was wondering about this. Does to Lord forgive thoes who do commit suicide? I know some people who beleive it to be a sin. And I think it is. We are taking a gift heavenly father has given us and destroying it. However, I know the pain of being at that point and I understand the hopelessness and dispare that people can feel. I cannot image that our father would not be forgiving of this. I cannot imagine it is something we will be eternally condemed for.
Rather I was thinking, maybe it is comperable to when a child goes against their parents and there is an accident. Such as taking the car when they are told they are not suppose to. The first thing any loving parent does is make sure the child is ok. I believe that our heavenly father will do, make sure that our spirit, soul what ever you want to call it, is ok, and comfoted. I imagine he will embrace us with love and comfort and let us know how divine we are. At the same time I imagine he will be disapointed and upset that we could destory such a great gift. I am sure that there are repercussions for this mistake and I can only imagine.
I once heard a song that said "God only crys for the living, because the living are left to bear the pain". Maybe that is the punishment. Watching thoes you love suffer. No one will know untill it is to late. But I cannot imagine the pain I would feel if I was forced to watch those I love suffer the pain of loss because I did something to harm myself. I have seen the look on my husbands face when I was hurting myself and it broke my heart., This look is the one thing that stops me. I cannot stand to be in pain, but even worse I cannot stand to cause that kind of pain to someone I love. For them I will bear my burdens.
For thoes who are struggling, never never give up hope and faith. Pain is temporary and good times will come if you hold out. Also remeber this poem:
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
This is dedicated to those I have known who I hope to see on the other side. And to all thoes who may think they are alone, your not.
Stephanie Fabian
Jeffery Spencer
"Joe" Adcox
Jason Crawford
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